CHOW: There actually is a valley. And a ranch. Which is hidden.

I’m a big a fan of Ranch dressing; in my opinion, no hot wing is complete without a brief dip in the zesty goo. I’m not alone, apparently – Slate reports that “ranch dressing has been the nation's best-selling salad topper since 1992” and shows no sign of giving up the title anytime soon. It wasn’t until the early 80s that Ranch dressing really took off, however, when the scientists over at Clorox – yes, the bleach people – gave us better salad through chemistry:

The packets were problematic: You had to blend the herbs with both mayonnaise and buttermilk to create the dressing, and very few households kept a spare carton of buttermilk in the fridge. But the Hensons' product sold reasonably well, and in 1972, the Clorox Company bought the Hidden Valley Ranch brand for $8 million.

Before ranch could become a national favorite, however, the scientists at Clorox had to reformulate the original recipe and make it easier to use. First, the great minds behind Pine-Sol and Liquid-Plumr added butter flavoring to the seasoning so home chefs could make the dressing with plain milk. But the real breakthrough came in 1983, with the debut of bottled—or, in the lingo of the dressing industry, "shelf stable"—Hidden Valley Ranch. At that time, more and more dressings were being sold in nonrefrigerated bottles; today, according to the market-research firm Mintel, shelf-stable dressings account for 82 percent of sales in the $1.7 billion industry. Ranch presented a serious challenge, because its high dairy content makes it susceptible to quick spoilage. But Clorox managed to add the right blend of preservatives to give the dressing a shelf life of approximately 150 days. (The science behind Clorox's innovation is secret, though it's a safe bet that Steve Henson's original recipe didn't call for calcium disodium ethylenediaminetetraacetate.)

And now, some gratuitous Toothpaste for Dinner: