A few months ago, PBP decided that she was tired of looking at my mopey, single ass feeling sorry for itself, and let me know she'd nominated me for Today's Chicago Woman's list of Chicago's 50 Most Eligible Singles.
Many of you who know me are wondering, at this point, if PBP is crazy, stupid, blind, or all three. And trust me, when I got the brain-scrambling email from the TCW staff letting me know I'd been nominated, I was right there with you.
A questionnaire soon followed, and thinking nothing would come of it, I gave responses in a manner I thought would guarantee TCW wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole tied to the end of a twenty-foot pole - answers such as:
3. My friends describe me as: “oh, about 5’ 10”, about 160, 165 pounds. Black hair. Clean. Psychotic.”Apparently, though, black-haired, clean and psychotic is exactly what they're looking for over at TCW - because, with the exception of most of the above responses, they printed everything else. Including my picture. I look like a dork.
5. Something about myself most people don’t know, or that’s the most surprising: I’m trying to learn conversational Latin, which is a little like trying to learn Klingon, except only slightly less dorky. Only slightly. Vae mihi! Num amputandus est? (Oh CRAP! Will it have to be amputated?)
15. The three things I would take with me to a deserted island: My iPod, a generator to charge my iPod, and a boat to travel back and forth from the mainland so I can get gas to run the generator to charge my iPod. And I know you said three things – but also, maybe some beef jerky.
25. Life motto: “certis de causis hodie malo aringum aceto perfusum.” (For various reasons, I would prefer a pickled herring today.)
Looking at some of my listmates' mugs and reading our profiles, I gotta tell ya, single-Chicagoland - most of the selections make sense...but if I'm part of the best the city has to offer, you're better off with some Ben & Jerry's, some C-cell batteries and "The Notebook" on pay-per-view. And a fifth of bourbon.
I'm mentioning this here because, if you're in town around the 9th of March, you should come to the Hyatt Regency downtown and help me celebrate with the other 49 Chicago-area singletons appearing in this month's issue. It's for a good cause and it's open bar. And if watching me make a goober out of myself while drinking for charity isn't a good enough reason to buy a ticket, then I don't know what is.
Please understand - It's not that I don't think this whole thing is a little bit cool. It's just a little bewildering, is all.
P.S.: As part of the ridiculousness, I'm also gonna be on this show tomorrow night. I need four questions to ask these women and I'm FREAKING OUT. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
2 comments:
Questions to ask the ladies...
1. If you were a hostess snack which one would you be and why? (Try not to giggle when they answer Ho-Ho or Twinkies).
2. Who is the bigger bad-ass Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer? Do you know any facts about them?
3. Did you do anything crazy when YOU turned 30? (Don't let them answer and just go off on a rant about your own adventures).
4. Have you read my blog?
Do not, I repeat, do NOT mention your blog. That's for the period after your first sleepover, when its OK to introduce competition.
You have probably already been on by now. Oh well. Here's what you should have asked:
1. If I were to call you up all exicted about two tickets I scored to an eating contest, what would your reaction be?
2. What's the last movie you rented/Netflixed?
3. What variety of alcohol produces your worst drunk?
4. If I gave you a bottle of that alchol, and stuck you in front of a karaoke machine in a crowded yet attentive bar, what song would you slurringly demand?
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