CHEKIT: 1,667 words a day, for the next 30 days.

That's right, kids. Something had to get this piece of shit rolling and it might as well be the insanity of National Novel Writing Month. In case you haven't heard, NaNoWriMo is a challenge to writers of all stripes and talent levels during the month of November - write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. It's more of an sadomasochistic writing exercise than anything else, and a good way to build a framework for future projects. It's also supposedly fun, though anyone working on this sort of thing will tell you that it's more like walking into the room of infinite monkeys and infinite typewriters of one's mind armed with correction fluid, bananas laced with PCP and a menacing, monomaniacal bellow that sounds more like the coxswain's urging to STROKE, BITCHES more than anything else. I'll be posting excerpts here, and full entries over at A Nightmare of Chickens and the Civil War. And I'd like to apologize in advance for the absolute crap you're about to endure.

CHEKIT: Virtual "L" Navigator

If you know what you're doing, you can pretty much get anywhere you want in Chicago via public transportation. The buses and trains may not always be the most luxurious vehicles in the world, but they are cheap and clean enough ("eco-friendly" and "pro-sustainability," according to L-o'-lantern carver thirdrail). Problem is (and I use the word "problem" in the same way that someone giving you a million dollars in quarters is a "problem") there are so many cool neighborhoods in this city with so many cool places to check out, it's hard to decide where to go, and how to get there.

Enter centerstage.net, and their incredibly handy and intuitive Virtual "L" Navigator. Find a stop on any CTA transit line, and the Navigator will provide a list of bars, restaurants, stores, parks - pretty much anyplace worth checking out - within walking distance. You can also work it the other way, and click on a neighborhood, find a place you wanna be, and the Navigator will tell you which line to take, and where to get off. In a town full of incredibly useful city guides, this is one to bookmark and keep handy.

MUZIK:The PosTunes Project

Okay. Think about this, Dispatches readers:

Hypothetically, let's say you and a bunch of your friends read a blog called, oh, I dunno - Mismatches. And let's say that the guy writing this blog (who is also your friend) made you guys a proposition: each of you would send him a burnt CD (or the downloadable archived equivalent) of some choice music (whether it be an album or a mix of your own) and in return (once he gets, oh, say, 20 responses) he mails back, to everyone involved, a double-data-disc set of all the music he received, along with all the marvelous, nerdy liner notes his marvelous, nerdy friends woulda sent in. Yes, it would take some time, and yes, he'd be out the cash for the postage. But he (and all of the blog's readers) would get to experience all the wonderful, disparate selections sent in. It would be time well spent.

Would that be something you'd be interested in? Hmmm?

POLITIK: 15+ Dem majority in the House? ONLY IF YOU GET OFF YOUR ASSES, BLUE BLAZERS IN RED STATES!

Eyes on the prize, bitches.



No, you're not hallucinating - that map is a lot bluer than it used to be. And according to RT Strategies and Constituent Dynamics (the two firms that make up Majority Watch - ohhhh, polling data HURTS, don't it, red-staters? It BURNS, don't it?) it only looks like it's getting worse for the GOP.



But motherfuckers - and by that, I mean my Blue Blazers, my blue brothers and sistahs - that don't mean SHIT.

Listen up, dammit. I'm talkin' to you, Mr. I Need To Get An Oil Change. I'm poking you in the chest, Mr. I've Got A Regular Basketball Game. I don't care if the incumbent in your district is gonna win by 28 points - and I definitely don't care if all you've heard is how the Democrats are gonna make the Republicans their butt boys this fall.

VOTE, MOTHERFUCKER!
PLAN TO GET YOURSELF TO YOUR POLLING PLACE ON ELECTION DAY AND DO IT TO IT, OR I WILL CRAM A DIEBOLD MACHINE SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU'RE GONNA BE SPITTING PAPER RECEIPTS.

Do you UNDERSTAND how crazy those right-wing get-out-the-vote organizers are? I'm talking about thousands of mysterious black vans patrolling GOP strongholds across the country, pumping out radio signals that control tiny neural microchips implanted in conservative base member's brain stems - and suddenly, millions of disaffected (but registered) Republicans who were planning to sit this one out are stomping, zombie-like, into their local precincts. Don't tell me I'm crazy. DON'T TELL ME CRAZY SHIT LIKE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN HERE IN AMERICA. A steroid-injecting, womanizing, Austrian who used to get paid for wearing a furry codpiece is the Govenor of California. The second-most powerful man in the country has the nickname "Turd Blossom," bestowed upon him by THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

Go to Jiffy Lube TOMORROW. Your regular game - schedule it for that Wednesday. Get your hair cut later. Wake up early the day of. Treat yourself to a doughnut. AND PUNCH THOSE HOLES - TOGGLE THEM LEVERS - PRESS THOSE TOUCH SCREENS. Because, goddamnit, if we fuck up this momentum, if we manage to squander the biggest blue push since the New Deal, I will personally find every single one of you lazy motherfuckers that "forgot" or "didn't have time" to vote and beat you with a desk calendar to within an inch of your life. And then I will go to my Republican neighbor's house, grab her 10-year-old-son's shotgun, and shoot you dead.

See you at the polls, bitches. GO BLUE!

TV: Avatar: The Last Airbender

I've got a thing for children's TV. Teen Titans, Fairly OddParents, Kim Possible, Arthur, Blue's Clues - along with all the supposedly more sophisticated fare on the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. I don't know if my tastes are getting broader, or more shallow, or if the quality of the writing on these shows is increasing, or what - but I do enjoy them. For the most part, they're the programming equivalent of a Wendy's Frosty - not something you'd make plans or go out of your way to consume, but if you're passing by, you might take in a little and enjoy with no significant investment of time or energy.

For the most part.

Except for one.

I don't know how to describe Avatar: The Last Airbender to you in a way that doesn't sound completely insane or silly. But if you like martial arts films in the mold of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Hero, have some familiarity with feudal Japan and the conventions of modern anime, enjoy season-long arcs of character development and the upper-octave-piano-keyed delight of awkward, adolescent longing, then this may be a half-hour worth watching. Set your TiVos and VCRs. And be surprised by what Nickelodeon is passing for kids' fare these days - you may find a slightly less racy, but no less satisfying analog to Buffy the Vampire Slayer following a helium-addled sponge.

MUZIK: I'd give it a month, actually.

WARNING: The following post about Justin Timberlake was written in earnest.

It's true. The new Justin Timberlake album has at least one song that, thanks to the evil machinations of beat-pimp Timbaland, will bore a hole clean into your brain through the thought centers responsible for self-consciousness and hipsterism, and drive a rhythm right across your synapses. We're talking pop music that infiltrates the nervous system at a cellular level, people.

I know. It's crazy talk. But you CAN'T FIGHT IT. I've given up the fight myself. Besides - the lady at the beginning of this video makes me feel kinda funny. Cellular level, indeed. Mmmmmm Hmmmmmmm.

HOUSEKEEPING: Dispatches Returns October 16th

Dispatches and Lava Lamps & Cheap Beer returns to keep you toasty warm through the long cold winter. It's like a pair of knit wool socks for your heart and your brain. If your heart and brain had feet.

We're back on October 16th. See you soon.