LL&CB: Not enough room for these on the front of the tablets

Thou Shalt Not wear parachute pants, even ironically.

Thou Shalt bear a mullet unencumbered by self-consciousness or taste.

Thou Shalt encourage women to press lips with other women, and encourage those who witness such events to take pictures.

Thou Shalt email such pictures to god@thelord.com.

Thou Shalt Not covet thy neighbor’s doobie.

Seriously. Puff puff give.

Thou Shalt boogie oogie oogie until thou just can’t boogie no more.

Thou Shalt Not lip synch on live TV and then blame it on your drummer.

Thou Shalt Not thrice write and direct prequels to one’s own successful science fiction franchise, especially if thou is determined to fuck it all up.

Thou Shalt Not covet thy neighbor’s wife, unless she is Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Thou Shalt Not say “the secret ingredient is love.”

Thou Shalt Not think impure thoughts about SpongeBob SquarePants.

Thou Shalt Not marry thine own backup dancer while wearing a velour track suit.

Thou Shalt Not keep insisting my son’s middle initial is H.

Thou Shalt Not lie, with the exception of saying someone's haircut is "not that bad."

Thou Shalt smack it up, flip it, rub it down.

Oh no!

Thou Shalt Not take all the crab legs at the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.

Thou Shalt stop thinking I give a damn about football games.

Ditto on gay marriage.

Thou Shalt Not sing “Paradise By The Dashboard Light” on Karaoke Night.

Thou Shalt provide more than one ketchup packet with a large order of fries.

Thou Shalt find nothin’ wrong with a little bump ‘n grind.

That Ali G is a pretty funny guy. Booyakasha! Ha ha ha.

Thou Shalt Not make multiple sex tapes, several bad cameo appearances and two inane reality shows and expect Me to respect you in the morning.

Thou Shalt take thy poultry numbering three, each of successively smaller size, and thou shalt cleave them from their bones and stuff one into the other, and those together into the last, and it shall be called "turducken" and it shall be pleasing unto My Eye and My Belly.

Thou Shalt pour out one for the homies, yo.

Thou Shalt Not hog the covers.

Thou Shalt Not wear Ugg boots.

Thou Shalt have thy pets spayed or neutered.

Thou Shalt Not wear pleated jeans or braided leather belts if one hopes to ever experience the touch of a woman.

The line for ten items or less shall be for ten items or less. It shall not be for fifteen, or twelve, or even eleven. Not even if five of the items are “practically the same thing.” I am in all things.

Thou Shalt check out Sleater-Kinney's last record. It totally rocks.

Thou Shalt Not worry, but rather, thou shalt be happy.

Thou Shalt accept the truth of one Word, and that Word is "mackadocious".

Many thanks, again, to Pascale, Rob, Secret Squirrel and Maggie.